Not myself

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Cauliflower
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Not myself

Post by Cauliflower »

I don't really like talking about this stuff but I need to just get it off my chest. I haven't really been feeling like myself lately. Some of my closer friends on here know of my issues. I won't get into details but I will state that I am currently struggling mentally and feel like an ass for many of the comments I have posted on these forums. I myself struggle with addiction. Coping with life has been really hard for me and there have been times I have posted to many people in private chat with stupid comments about me being high or drunk and what not. I am sorry. All these things seem all normal when I am under the influence. The moment I get back to getting off of everything is the moment I start realizing this. I am currently going through withdrawals so don't be surprised if I seem a bit off.


I also want to apologize to anyone I may have lashed out to in the past on the game. I really am going through a hard time at home. As I said before, I won't get into the details but I just wanted to state the obvious problem. Peace
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HooCairs
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Re: Not myself

Post by HooCairs »

The most important is that you are getting help from someone. Sounds like this is the case, so I wish you good recovery and that your problems will get sorted to the extend possible.
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Cauliflower
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Re: Not myself

Post by Cauliflower »

HooCairs wrote:The most important is that you are getting help from someone. Sounds like this is the case, so I wish you good recovery and that your problems will get sorted to the extend possible.

Thanks. On top of that, it just seems like one addiction after another. Either on here or just doing something else. I know I tend to vanish and reappear on here many times. Its just me trying to break the cycle of addiction. I will be getting help. It's just that part of me that needs to stick with it. I can't let my emotions control me. Here's another crazy thing that may shock all of you hunters on here. I used to be (TannerRivers) on here in the past. That was my old account. Shows just how much I am trying to break free and just how much of an idiot I have been not letting anyone know. Sincere apologizes to everyone here and the team.

Sometimes I try and start over. I think I do it in the wrong way. Anyhow, that's that. It's probably really awkward right now. However, I feel a lot better now that I have said this.
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TannerRivers
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Re: Not myself

Post by TannerRivers »

Here's proof. The account no longer exists in the game so I had to completely start over from scratch.
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BCKidd
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Re: Not myself

Post by BCKidd »

Admitting an addiction is the 1st step to recovery. So, I wish you the best of luck- get the help you need, there is a better tomorrow on your horizon. Just stick with it. ;) Respect,

BCKidd.


"Patience and perseverance, are not an option if you want that trophy, they are a necessity."

Keep it real!
"Careful, David, he's Canadian......They eat people you know." Fletchette.
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JimboCrow
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Re: Not myself

Post by JimboCrow »

:!: Hey Cauliflower, I hope you can keep moving forward now. Your struggles are not just yours, you are not alone with these problems. You and my daughter could write a book together about this shite!! You can reach out to us here, or to myself via PM, anytime!! Anytime at all!! Sometimes you just need someone to talk to. We can't go through it with you but maybe we can cheer you a little, and remind you that it's always worth the effort no matter how hard it gets. Do your thing, get out under the stars, be good to yourself, grow your inner strength, and just keep hanging in there!! You got this!! :(
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InvisibleFlame9
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Re: Not myself

Post by InvisibleFlame9 »

Hey Cauliflower, my best wishes for you're unlimited well being and all the best for your recovery. I don't usually offer advise in these sort of situations for certain reasons, however here I have something to say that may be of help to you and others dealing with similar Life stuff. As you read my words, I also want you to understand that I have had my own issues in the past with addictions that have been problematic. Over three years completely sober now, things are not easier, Life is no less challenging for me. It's difficult for me to find the words of how to put it....in sobriety I'm more in touch with who I really am and the way REALITY REALLY IS.

As the title of this thread says, "Not myself", I would challenge you that you don't know yourself. You'll find out who you really are 'IN Recovery' along the way...a little more...and more....each and every YEAR that you remain sober. The problems are much deeper than the surface level addictions and that can't be understated. Your recovery will not be easy and it is not for the faint of heart or the average person dealing with these issues. BUT, your recovery will define you and show you who you really are.

That said, there are about two things I would offer here that have seen me through my journey: Don't hang out with crappy people. Even if that means all you've got for the time being is yourself. YOU alone is a thousand times better than the company of crappy people. One **** in the bucket is enough to contaminate your whole life. We really have to protect our time and energy and who we spend our time with you know what I'm saying?

Second thing is this: Have some sort of vision, goal, project, whatever term you want to call it, but SOMETHING that means the world to you that doesn't involve another person....a vision for YOU and give everything of yourself to THAT as if your life depended on it. Because it does. It could be anything. Maybe it's mastering a skill/craft. Maybe it's building something meaningful to you. Maybe it's a passion...whatever. Treat it with respect and give all of yourself and more to that. No dabbling! Whatever it is, MASTER it like a true rock star of your craft - like a true pro. In such a way that you are your own greatest inspiration if only in this certain area of your life. That you would be proud of yourself.

As mentioned, things did not get easier for me necessarily in my sobriety. Though, I can assure you that I have gained so much of something special and more valuable TO ME than I have the words to describe. Just keep your eye on the prize! It's really that simple. Keep your eye on the prize! And everything in your Life should be as SIMPLE as you can possibly make it. We want to be a solver of problems; not create them, and not invite the wrong people into our life who bring unnecessary problems into our life.

Okay, I'm not going to go all Tony Robbins here with this. Take care! We'll see what you do with that!
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Cauliflower
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Re: Not myself

Post by Cauliflower »

It's really amazing how much I realize the number of people, who have taken advantage of me when I was under the influence. I think the hardest thing about getting sober for me is having to deal with bs from people. I'd rather be in my right state of mind now. Thanks for wishing me the best everyone. I cannot stay here anymore. I'm completely fed up with this forum's site.
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